My Beenamma

She was a dew drop,
The presance which made me cool...
She was serene, like a Goddess
Her eyes was like embers, filled with compassion
She was my strength,
With her laughter and hope that is contageous,
She made the whole world a heaven
Physical beauty enchanted with her inner beauty
She was rare among the rarest,
Overflowing with the goodness of mind.....
Forgived all the sins attempted against her.
But left us, suddenly without a word.....
In the deepest pain she suffered,
She remembered my smallest pain.....
But,in my smallest pain,I had forgotten her biggest pain...
She never complained....
Defeated me.....pathetically........
And left the deepest wound in my heart,in the form of a big gap
That can never be healed, never ever in this life............................

From My Heart........

Distance never separates two hearts…….
But still there’s something painful in distance……
The sweet moments of togetherness,
That which I always love to recall……..
Make me missing something which is so dear
I know you are always my near…..
And you will be always my dear……
Our love, so strong and so pure
No one else loves me as that of you
We have to go a long way again
After all we will be always together
Love rejoices truth, am sure…..
And makes all our days happy……
The days under the sweet great pine trees…..
The breeze that touched our hearts…….
The clouds that gifted the shower ……
Turned into memories that are sweet
Our dreams flied like butterflies……..
Build nest and laid eggs like birds……
Flowed like a river that is serene,
The flame of our hope never goes,
When ever we say good night,
Know I hold you deep inside my heart
And says …………………….
Forever and always I will love you……

The End Of My Lonliness..............

I moved to the green and plain backyard of my house after tea without going for any chat with my mom as usual. I always loved to be a part of that green valley. The coconut trees standing here and there always called me nodding their heads enthusiastically. I used to spend hours and hours with them. Sitting in the shade of my old great pomegranate I forget everything. Like everybody, I also own some beautiful and nostalgic vivid memories about my childhood. But contrary to others, my memories begin with tears of lose, still those were sweet. I always get exhilarated to memorize my past. I was born in the serenity of a calm and pure village known as chithrapuzha.I and my Appoos, we both used to spend hours playing hide and seek in this valley. Appu –he was my tuition mate, grandson of Chakkiamma. Appu and Chakkiamma lived in the bottom of that valley .I never asked them about Appu’s parents. My mom and dad used to leave me at chakkiammas hut, whenever a school holyday comes, other than Saturdays and Sundays. They were always busy with tight schedules of their office time. My imaginations kindled with the exiting stories of Chakkiamma.When I made some troubles, Chakkiamma used to make me afraid saying about Kattu Raman, a dark butcher boy near her house. Appu studied in the village school, and there were more than seventy students in his class which was a wonder for me. Those days I always used to see some sorts of nightmare. Kattu Raman always used to laugh at me, rubbing his cheeks with a pocket knife in his hands. And he always used to visit me in my terrifying nightmares. Once I was enjoying the movements a small fish, sitting on the narrow bridge above the river, I heard the sound of Kattu Raman calling out my name! Unfortunately, I fell into the river, I cried aloud and for my surprise Kattu Raman jumped into the river and saved my life. But I caught fever badly. That day onwards I placed Kattu Raman somewhere in my heart. I told Appu about Kattu Raman. Contrary to my expectations, Appu raised his voice angrily, his eyes and skinny cheeks turned red. He asked me not to say a word again about that barbaric beast.
Days passed and the last of March came. Both of us were very happy that only two more days are left for the two month summer vacation. That day Appu was very happy and the reason was unknown to me. I supposed that it might be because of the coming summer vacation. But the next day after my last exam….thrilled about the coming moments I jumped, and was flying. I reached the valley, and called out
‘APPPU……’ But there was none to hear………I run to Chakkiammas hut! But I couldn’t find anybody there. The sun was setting, and it cast long shadows across the valley. I felt the reddishness terrible…I cried calling out Chakkiamma…..That moment I realized how dearest was Chakkiamma to me….it was the first time when I analyzed the feeling of an orphan! I cried out loudly….Thereafter several times I thought how they could do this to me! I asked God several times….where is my Appu? The God doesn’t answer the questions of that ten year old girl……..who felt like the loneliest soul in the world! Now its thirteen years passed after my lonely days in the valley………

Again the the sun is setting, casting its shadows across the valley. Mom is calling aloud. Now a day’s mom often complains dad that he is not taking much interest in searching a man for me. But I used to get frustrated hearing this….then who was this Appu for me…. During my teenage days….when my friends used to dream about their lovers and share their love stories, I never thought about anyone other than my Appu…..I walked across all the love offers and proposals, indifferently-don’t know why? Friends designated me out dated, old fashioned and so on. I know Appu loved to play hide and seek. I always quarrel with him when he hesitates to prepare rice and curries with sand and leaves in the riverside. But I never thought that Appu will play hide and seek with his life. That night I went to sleep forgetting everything. In my dream Chakkiamma visited me; I embraced her tightly and cried aloud asking where you were these much time? Where is Appu? Why didn’t you take me with you? But she smiled serenely and said nothing. She looked behind her in a bustle. After she kissed me in my forehead and went. I cried loudly calling out Chakkiamma.The very next day my parents took me to a counselor. He said me a great lot of things. When I returned back the breeze sun kissed my bare hands in the window of the door. I remembered the sparkling water of the river in the bright sunlight that reflected in Appu’s face. That day it rained heavily.Appu loved to make paper boats that flow in the rain water.
The next dawn was a surprise. I felt relaxed and refreshed. Unlike other days I went to the kitchen and started a friendly chat with my mom. I saw her eyes filled with tears. I hugged her .She was preparing ripe mango pickle for my hostel mates as she knows that it is their favorite dish and mine too.Tommorrow early morning I have to leave. That was not a glad thing for me. Once more I went to the locked hut of Chakkiamma.But from a long distance itself I found someone entering Chakkiammas hut. A tall man, very casual in dressing. I finally surrendered to temptation and run to the hut. Taking a heavy breath, I called him from his back “hey! Who are you?” The man looked very tired; still he had laughter in his face.
The face was very familiar…..my heart skipped many beats, to know if it is my Appu! The sun was setting and it seemed reddish like that one of thirteen years before! Without answering me, he asked “how are you”?
I asked again “are u Appu?”
Looking down he answered “yes”…
As a continuation, I asked: why you were so happy that evening? He answered slowly: “Chakkiamma promised to take me to my mother.” Then where is my dearest Chakkiamma? I asked him eagerly. I saw tears shedding from his eyes. He had changed a lot, the thick black moustache and shaved cheeks and his masculine figure was new to me. Again I asked “Then have you seen your mother?” yes….he answered. I looked all around .But I didn’t see Chakkiamma.All of a sudden he answered “she’s no more…I couldn’t hold my cry….It was getting dark….Appu asked me “are you not going to your home”. I never expected such a question from him.
Without saying a word I got up with hundreds of questions remaining in my mind …..Even at that time my mind throbbed to hug him and ask not to go back leaving me alone….But this Appu is extremely new to me. I gathered all my courage and asked him “have you thought about me for at least one time during these years”Appu answered in a different manner “Have you”?
I was waiting for you this many years…….I said pathetically. Hearing my answer I saw Appu’s face shining in the moonlight. I saw a new light in his eyes and a new meaning too………Appu moved his hand gently and touched my chin. He looked me deeply as if he is seeing me for the first time….he embraced me deeply and this was the first time when I found that I am wealthy and not alone. With my mind deep filled, I slept that night without any nightmares, instead we went through our golden days, playing hide and seek and making paper boats in the heavy rain…..and then to some unknown areas peacefully, after a long run…….